Welcome to this week’s issue of Weekly Wellness Wisdom!
I’ve been reflecting in my newsletter these past few weeks on the Native American teaching parable of the Good Wolf and Bad Wolf. Today’s issue is the third and final article specifically addressing this Native American teaching parable.
For the benefit of our new readers (and to gently “jog” the memory of returning readers), here is the parable again:
A Native American Elder was once describing his inner struggles with a dear friend. He struggled to find the words and after a period of quiet reflection, he shared this:
“Inside each of us are two wolves. There is a Good Wolf and there is a Bad Wolf. The Bad Wolf is mean, sad, negative and angry. The Good Wolf is open-hearted, kind and loving. The Bad Wolf fights the Good Wolf all day.”
He fell silent again, and after a time, his friend spoke. “Which Wolf wins?” he asked the Elder.
The old man reflected again for a moment and then replied,
“Whichever Wolf we feed the most”.
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Wellness Wisdom Feature Article
Compassion For Our Wolves
Last week I asked you to choose a particular challenge in your life and notice the point where you make a “flashpoint” decision about that challenge. Do you feed the Good Wolf – or the Bad Wolf? How do you feel as a result of your choices? The greater awareness we have of the little and large choices we make and the subsequent paths they take us down, the better our chances of making more life-generating (and Good Wolf nurturing) decisions.
As a result of simply increasing awareness, you will begin making more Good Wolf choices. When we make these kinds of choices, we feel energized, encouraged, balanced and centered. No matter what, sometimes we will still feed the Bad Wolf. We are human, after all, and the purpose of Authentic Wellness is progress and not perfection. If we are aware and kind to ourselves, however, the Bad Wolf has minimal negative impact on our lives. Sometimes the Bad Wolf even helps by teaching us powerful insights – like pointing the way to the next growth edge or learning curve.
The key to befriending every wolf in our pack is to first befriend and accept every aspect of ourselves. Let me expand on this important idea a bit further.
The notion of “self-acceptance” as a necessary stepping stone toward authentic growth is power-packed! It feels paradoxical, but acceptance for who and what we are in each moment is a necessary and compassionate way for us to grow, change and become authentically well The acceptance propels our courage and ability to move forward.
Do you treat yourself with compassion and kindness? How often do you feed the Bad Wolf of self-criticism, impatience, judgment, even disgust? What would it feel like instead to treat yourself as you would your dearest friend? How do you think you would respond to feeling compassion, empathy and love for your Self? My hunch is that you would begin making more Good Wolf choices from this stance of compassionate self-acceptance – and more readily experience joy, energy and an abundance of well-being! These positive emotions lead to healthier, more supportive choices for how we care for our bodies, our hearts and our minds. Acceptance brings purposeful and meaningful change. Now THAT is authentic wellness!
Here are some tips for feeding compassionate self-acceptance (and building up your “Good Wolf Pack” in the process):
1. Reflect on a part of your life that feels conflicting or incongruent; a part of your life that feels in conflict with how you want to live. It could be smoking cigarettes, binge-eating, laying on the couch in front of the TV, isolating yourself from loved ones, or any small part of you that feels disconnected with your authenticity.
2. Any time this week that you feel compelled to practice that behavior or pattern of thinking, take a moment to pause.
3. As you pause, become really aware of what you are feeling, and how your body feels. What does your body feel based on what it is you are wanting? Do you feel anxious? Lonely? Hungry? Sluggish?
4. Notice with compassion and acceptance whatever emotions, thoughts or physical sensations come to the surface. What are you longing for?
5. Gently ask yourself a few questions to guide your awareness and acceptance. You might try questions like: What is it I need right now? What do I care most about? What is really important to me right now? How can I show myself compassion right now? Whatever thoughts and feelings come to the surface, accept them without judgment.
6. Return to the conflict and choice at hand. You will be amazed by what happens if you practice these steps with consistency and kindness!
Self-acceptance does not mean that we deny responsibility for our choices; but the compassion frees us from self-criticism and the self-abuse that so often comes when we feel inner conflict. It is a simple truth: When we are beating ourselves up, we can’t be centered and make healthy choices. Centered living comes from making choices that arise from compassion and self-acceptance. We must all learn to hold our hearts within our own loving hands. That is the Good Wolf at its best!
Remember that healthy people are very much like healthy wolves: Keen, loyal to oneself and one’s pack, playful, intuitive, brave, adaptive and vibrant!
Personal Reflections
I found it an interesting coincidence that I chose to write these past few weeks about wolves and wellness. I’ve loved wolves since I was a child, but hadn’t made the connection with the wolf teaching about wellness. Unbeknownst to me, the day I wrote the first newsletter article about the Good Wolf/ Bad Wolf parable, my husband Greg was spending time at a Minnesota airport during a long layover. He was traveling for a professional speaking engagement, delivering a workshop training at a large conference. I am sure he was weary and yet he noticed a wolf statue in a gift shop window. He stared at the eyes of this statue and thought of me, but left the shop and began walking toward his terminal to board the next flight. As he neared the terminal, he found himself turning back to the shop, where he bought the statue and arranged for it to be shipped to our home in Michigan.
The arrival of the statue was a complete surprise to me! And Greg was stunned to review his email and find my article about wellness and wolves. The wolf statue is perched on our fireplace hearth. Though it is by no means life size, this wolf sometimes looks… alive. Even our cats were fooled by this statue as they bravely puffed their tails and approached with caution! I tried to not crack up laughing (to preserve their dignity), but failed. This wolf statue is fascinating; at one angle it could seem menacing, but when I look closer, it feels instead very peaceful and powerful, with softly intense eyes. I suppose it is much like the way the teaching parable asks us to look closer at the wolves within us. The Bad Wolf is transformed to the Good Wolf through our attention, compassion and acceptance. And it patiently waits…
I don’t think I’m quite finished with my Wolf metaphors, but next week’s newsletter will return with other topics and tips related to Authentic Wellness. I hope you enjoyed this series of articles and I wish you all Happy Wolf Howling!
To your wellness,
Lori
About Lori
Dr. Lori Boothroyd is known as the “Coaching Psychologist”. She has served her clients and students well over the years through integrating her knowledge from earninga Ph.D. in psychology, as well as her advanced training in coaching and wellness psychology. Appreciated for her warmth and down-to-earth style as much as her expertise, Lori is a dynamic speaker, author and coach. She lives in Traverse City, Michigan with her husband, Dr. Gregory Boothroyd.
For a complimentary coaching consult, to inquire about programs or to ask any questions, please email: lori@loriboothroyd.com
